I waited a long time dreaming about being able to live the life i thought i wanted doing what i love reaching all my goals and being the person i thought i wanted to be but more then any of that i wished that the one i loved would someday love me back. well it took some time and now that we are in a relationship i am having a hard time taking his word when it comes to how he claims to feel about. even though i want to more then anything i cant help that deep inside me i have a block. i want to be able to have trust and not be stressed out and all the bullshit. i dont know if its me maybe its something wrong with my head or something BUT then again maybe its not. im confused and i am falling apart i wont to fuck up and i dont want to get fucked over he is always saying the most mean things to me and talks to me like im a whore and acts as if i am just doing all these things that i couldnt even dream of doing i try to show him in everyway but he will never see it or maybe he sees it but he will never care even though this baby will be here in a few weeks i think it might be best to just cut ties and go my own way im better off alone and i can do better alone knowing that i am alone instead of being here thinking im not when i really am i dont know what i did or why he picked me to take out his anger from his past on but i have never done anything but love him from day one i loved everything about him and wanted to build a unit together be a team, i wanted to love him past his past choices mistakes and pain and always did what i thought was needed to let him see for himself just how much i loved him but no matter what i do or dont what i say or dont he will never see he will never accept my love and he will never fully take my heart or give me his i feel like a walking joke one thats a private insider he shares only with his self its a fucked up feeling when the man you love makes you feel like your just a 2nd choice or a fall safe ” i guess youll do” is some of the most hurtful words and they cut deep its clear that im not what he would pick if he lived in a perfect world and i hate that it feels like this whatever it is is no more then him just being a nice guy who got stuck with some bum and her dog . george is one of the most amazing souls ive met in this life and no matter what i cant deny that there is and has been from day one been this un explainable bond it breaks my heart to think that the whole thing is nothing more then a foolish one side daydream