Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world _ the four agreements
its not easy to remember this agreement all the time and can seem almost impossible when dealing with people whom we love and care about, due to a mixer of misleading reasons we seem to take the words thoughts feelings and actions of those around us personal by default without even thinking about it. when something hurtful happens we get caught up in wanting to know WHAT WE DID to deserve what ever happened to happen we feel that we some how are for sure to blame that we must have done something or we lack something or whatever it may be when really what ever has happened has nothing to do with us and there is no need to allow the situation to hold any amount of emotional hold on us.
I was in a seven year relationship that was very abusive and toxic and no matter how bad it got i stayed i could even think about what life would be like with out him then one random day without even a goodbye he left well he just never came back. i was so broken up about it and i spent weeks crying myself to sleep and numbing my pain with drugs i was driving myself crazy my head was a prison for questions like why? what did i do? how could you? really? etc and i stressed to find answers that i may never find in fact i am sure that i wont. then a friend of mine brought me the book the four agreements and when i say that that book changed my life i couldnt mean something more that book woke something up inside me and gave me a starting point and the courage to start.
i know in my heart now that i will never find those answers because they have no relation to me what he did and what he didnt had nothing to do with me his actions and words were no more then a side effect or whatever of his own shit i had no control over what he did or what he said and no matter how many times he spoke ugly to me it was not because i am ugly nor did it make me ugly when he hit me it was not because i was bad or deserving it was because that was the only way he was either able or willing to communicate but there were no truths in any of it and i didnt have to accept his opinion about me as my own.
you dont need another person to give us meaning value or name we should not think that another person has that right know who you are and what you are about know that that can not change no matter what anyone says or thinks you are in your own reality and your does not cross over to another everyone is in their own and need not waste time or energy on seeking unneeded approval from outside sources we need nothing more then our own knowing .