today i saw my heart in its two physical form sitting across from eachother. i went the bigger part of my life i was alone and no matter how hard i looked i couldnt find what i thought i was looking for and i really didnt have any clue what love was untill march 30th 2014 when i went to a small town called fulton i was taken there to be robbed and by the grace of god i ended up in the right hands of a very good man named pat navarro. he was the 1st man who ever helped me without wanting or asking for anything in return and who never touched me or made a pass at me. he allowd me to stay in his room and before long his son and i became really close and without even knowing what was happening i fell head over heels in love with pat martin navarro jr on may 13th 2014 i made a vowl to be a different women and to become girlfriend like, and even though i wanted to and even though i tried i wasnt able to reach that point to the fullest because i was broken and had not even the slightest idea what it was i was trying to become or even how to become it. for 7 years pat and i tried to hang onto what love little we had and ignored the facts that what we had was toxic we were blind and comfortable with our unity even though it was barley held together like a puzzle of mixed matched pieces for a while we both looked at it with pride for it was our joint art but over the years as we both changed as life changed and as we grew as individuals we grew in seperate directions and even if we both had still liked the art work not both of us could enjoy it at the same time. however in the prosess of the changes that wasnt the issuse that was faced no longer did both of us look at it like art not both enjoyed nor liked it to one it was still the 1st finshed pice of art that one had had part in creating sadly to the other it became a untasteful anoying and tacky mess of failed atemp at art, youd think it was a no brainer then huh that at least one of the two would be taking a prized possession with them but as life happens nither that was the case and the one who still thought of it as art develped hurt feelings and took the art off the wall placing it in a box so that it was only for personal enjoyment but before long the enjoyment soured and became nothing more then a painful memory of what once was and what was no longer. that is the best way i can describe pats and my love our relationship and our story. being the gemini i am i am both happy for him and yet sad im sad that i couldnt do my part in upholding my end i hurt that i wasnt able to be what he needed and i am sorry for all the anger pain and bullshit i cost him i miss pat everyday i carry him in my heart and i wish him all the very best i hope he finds everything hes looking for and so much more nothing but blessings and i ask god to also bless my new relationship with george i ask that god wash me and heal me so that i can get it right this time and that i can be all i am ment to be for myself and that he give me the all the strength and skills and tools i need to create a strong healthy bond and that he take all of our road blocks and turn them into lessons that we both are able to learn and grow from.
im not in anyway sorry that i met pat i am greatful for our time together and i will hold onto the memories we shared and i now make a vowl to do my best everyday to be focused on my relationship with george and to no repeat my mistakes and to love him and show him i love him and to be understanding and stand at his side and be all i can i am letting go of all the pain all the bullshit and i am starting over right here on this day i am looking forward and my goal is to not look back not to bring up the past or nag i want this to work i want to be happy i want to be happy with george ive loved him for so long and now that god has brought us together i dont want to fuck it up i dont want to lose him to i love you pat may god always watch over you i love you george i am right here babe and i will be untill you no longer want me to be